April 28, 2017

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Documented Madness

April 28, 2017

 

On the 26th April 2017 I was feeling pretty shite. It was mothers day, and despite the fact I had given birth, I had no baby to be a mother to. My daughter was born on the 13th April 2016 and had passed away. It wasn’t a surprise it was a very unfortunate pregnancy. She was found to be poorly at the 20 week scan, and I had to terminate because she was too sick to go full term. It was the single most devastating thing I’ve ever had to do. Or hopefully ever will have to do.

 

Come mothers day 2017 I was feeling very sorry for myself, and doubly so because I had be birth date coming up and I didn’t know how I was supposed to mark that day. The anticipation being worse than the actual event.  So there I was feeling pretty rubbish. Seeing all the adverts on telly, and seeing on FB everyone’s status updates on how brilliant a day people were having and how their kids had made bogey fingered butter toast etc.

 

I’d been aware of the Saying Goodbye organisation as they specialised in grief counselling for people that experienced baby loss or had been affected by it, and I saw they were holding a charity ball in May which had comedian Milton Jones performing. I’d had a few sherries so dropped them a line offering my services to them as a comedian. Didn’t think anything of it. Went to bed and the next morning Zoe from the charity got in touch. Before I knew it, 15 mins later, I’d agreed to try and raise 50k for them. In a year. I know.

 

I am appalling with money. I’ve never ever been able to live in the black, and so the prospect of actually trying to raise this amount of dosh in a year was so ridiculous, that I actually thought it was doable. I don’t know how. I just thought well, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Well, that already has, so why not have a bash at it.

 

I decided to coincide the start of this challenge with my daughters birthday. Give it focus. Save me dwelling all day about the what if’s and what I should have done. To have this to focus on was going to help. What I hadn’t imagined was just how mental the actual release day was going to be. My phone didn’t stop ringing and pinging. Offers of help came flooding in, and the money started dropping into the donation page before I’d even done anything. It was amazing.

 

Then once the madness had calmed down the reality began to dawn on me. I’ve offered to raise 50k whilst trying to write my Edinburgh Festival show, and go to gigs, and do my other job, and and and…. Suddenly here I was, little old me, feeling terribly alone and over committed and it’s only a few weeks in.

 

So this blog will hopefully help. If only to document my madness. So in a years time when I’m locked in an institution at least the doctors will be able to read exactly why.

 

 

 

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